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 correction de essay

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AuteurMessage
jijinette



Nombre de messages : 10
Date d'inscription : 04/05/2008

MessageSujet: correction de essay   Lun 5 Mai - 12:59

bonjour voila mon essay pouvez vous me le corriger SVP en enrichissant mon langage (verbes, connecteurs logiques...)merci beaucoup!!

Women's role has envolved during the last centuries. At the beginning, she works at home doing (tâches ménagères) and next she becames nurse to help injured men coming of war. But can women leave their home and also go to the battlefields? Could the society see women going from the homefront to the battlefields?

At first, no women coan't go do war because they are physically wear, they are risk to be wounded and her beauty will disapear because of scars and lose of one leg perhaps.
Yes, they should go to the battlefields because study women resist better then men to pain and sufferings. They can going bick or waxing.

Secondly, no because womenhad a lot of responsabilities at home: kids are waiting and so she shouldn't be absent for a long time because they need their mum to grow up well, more preisely to develop their personalty, to feel that somebody loves him, to talk to someone at home...
But, yes they can go because men or grands parents can look after them when they will ben at war, it's exacty the same problem.

Third, men's army preserve. It's hard for a women to have a good relationship with colleagenes because men are chauvinicts! What's more, they could be more men than women so women wouldn't feel well and men could abuse sexually.
But, yes they could go at battlefields becausethere is a sexual equality in the army. Indeed, women have the same rights, same duties to defend their homeland: it's a full citizen.

At least, no they shouldn't go to war because women are (par nature) more pacifist. Indeed, there is less fights (de la part) of girls at school. Yes, because when soldiers are needed everyone is useful for the fatherland a citizen has to be patriotic and feel necesity to defend the country.

To conclude, I think that women shouldn't go to the battlefields like testify the point of view of the society which had (incorporer) that women are less stronger that men and that her role is to educate children.
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1288
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: correction de essay   Lun 5 Mai - 15:56

The role of women has changed over the past few centuries. In the beginning, women worked at home doing household chores. Then the time came when they had the opportunity to study nursing and could attend to wounded soldiers on the battlefield or in the hospital. The fact that women would eventually leave home to serve in the military was unimaginable.

At first, women weren't allowed to go to war because they were considered physically inferior to men and because they were at great risk of serious injury or disfigurement.

Yet, studies show that women can tolerate pain and suffering better than men. Another argument against female combattants is that they have too many responsibilities at home in the raising and care of their kids. Kids are dependent on their mother's love and support. Of course, it's possible to let the noncombattant father or the grandparents take care of the kids in the mother's absence.

Then there's the argument that male and female soldiers may not get along with each other because men are such chauvinists. And there's always the possibility of sexual abuse in those circumstances.

As I see it, women have more equality in the military. They have exactly the same rights and duties in the defense of the homeland. In fact, their status as citizens is fully realized there.

Some people believe that women's innate pacifism disqualifies them from serving in the military. But in time of war, all are needed -- male and female -- in the defense of their country.

In the final analysis, I personally feel that women shouldn't go to war because they are indeed physically inferior to men and have a duty to raise their children.


Dernière édition par Doudou le Mer 14 Mai - 15:42, édité 1 fois
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jijinette



Nombre de messages : 10
Date d'inscription : 04/05/2008

MessageSujet: Re: correction de essay   Lun 5 Mai - 17:53

merci beaucoup Doudou! je sais je fais énormémént d'erreurs, enfin mon expression n'est pas fluide, ça m'énerve j'essaye de m'améliorermais les 2 de cours au lycée ne me suffisent pas! et chez moi je bosse plutôt d'autres matières Sad
en tout cas merci bcp et j'espère qu'ainsi mon anglais s'améliorera;
à la prochaine
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1288
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: correction de essay   Lun 5 Mai - 18:24

C'est pas grave, Jijinette. Tu fais des efforts au moins. Bonne note.
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jijinette



Nombre de messages : 10
Date d'inscription : 04/05/2008

MessageSujet: Re: correction de essay   Mar 20 Mai - 16:08

slt Doudou
j'ai eu 14!! MERCI Very Happy pour ton aide
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1288
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: correction de essay   Mar 20 Mai - 17:45

Félicitations, Jijinette. J'en suis ravi ! Bonne continuation. cheers
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