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phil1988



Nombre de messages : 35
Age : 29
Localisation : Paris
Date d'inscription : 22/10/2006

MessageSujet: Une rédaction...   Dim 4 Nov - 17:12

Hi Doudou, could you correct my compostion please ? That would be nice !

- It was 6 o’clock of the morning when my alarm started to ring.
It was time to get up and prepare for going to the airport.
During the route I felt a little nervous. First of all it was the first time that I was going to take an aircraft. In spite of the fact that I’m aware that planes the safetiest transportation in the world.
And second of all it was the first time that I was going to a conference with my engineer colleagues.
So, I met my colleagues at the taxis station, we checked in our baggages and we began to board into the aircraft.
Me and my colleagues weren’t sat in the same area. They were sat beside the reactors and me at the rear of the plane.
As we were going to Canberra from Los Angeles I was exciting to admire the sea from my porthole.
I took a sleeping drug to calm myself; consequently I fall asleep just after the take off.
Suddenly I heard a terrible sound. I can’t believed what was happening in front of me. The plane was completely cut in half. People were such up outside.
I stayed hung on my seat belt until this part of the plane reach the sea; which was very abrupt. At this moment I loosed consciousness.
When I regained consciousness I was lengthened on a beach. When looked around me, I saw thousand fragments and few bodies unfortunately lifeless. I was walking to found somebody alive but no one survived at the crash even my colleagues.

I thought about that sat on a rock until that started to rain which makes me come to mind.
I decided to go into the forest to found a shelter. At last I discovered a cave. I was so exhausted that I fall asleep immediately.
At the morning, I make up my mind to group bodies and gave them a decent burial.
I had to start to look for some food; I began to search on bush and I finally find some passion fruits and coconuts on the ground.
I did that for five months. As I had never saw a boat or a plane and nobody on the island since my crash, I undertaked to build a real shelter and real means to get food whether that on earth or on sea.
I started to cut some trees to get a aria completely cleared. I used these trees to make some planks thanks to cutting tools which came from wrecks.
I sewed net with fabric from seats of the plane. I created a vegetable garden. Indeed last month I discovered some tomato seeding nearby a little river. I recovered seeds and sowed them. During those months I tried to get back clothes spread on the beach.

- At last, one year had been pass. As time goes by I felt more and more sad because of my loneliness. When I was thinking about that, suddenly, I saw a silhouette.
I cannot believed that. It was a blond lady; she was dressing like a Tahitian. Unfortunately she talked a Germanic language; all the same she had some English notion. At the end I understood that she came from Finland thanks to a drawing of Europe on the sand. She told me that she was on a cruise with her boyfriends, when a storm breakout and sunk the sailboat. She never saw him after this tragedy.
She showed me her abode. It was a nice place, very clean and organized. She built some traps to catch birds or rabbits. She was ingenious because she managed to create a little farmyard.
- One day we decided to go further into the forest. As we didn’t know what we could fond, we built some weapons like spears, bows and slings as the way that I maked my tools.
We took some supplies for few days and we gone.
After five days of walk we arrived to unknown lands which we never explored.
One night were we camped, everything seemed calm and we were so exhausted that we fall asleep easily. But when I woke up I was lock up into a little cage. We were kidnap by native.
They were very hostile towards us. I thought that we violated theirs territory. I tried to calm down them, but they were determinated to hurt us. However I remembered that I kept my lighter in my pocket. I saw them the light, they were stupefy. I dealt with them our freedom against the lighter. After that they were really much nicer. At the beginning we communicated by drawing, but I finally fulfied from learning some words of their language.
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1289
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: Une rédaction...   Dim 4 Nov - 21:11

Hello, Phil.

I'll try (je vais essayer). Ma connexion à Internet me pose problème. When do you have to hand in your assignment to the teacher? (C'est attendu quand ce DM ?)

Doudou
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1289
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: Une rédaction...   Dim 4 Nov - 23:44

It was 6 o’clock in the morning when my alarm started to ring.
It was time to get up and prepare for going to the airport.
It was time to get up and get ready to go to the airport.
During the route I felt a little nervous.
On the way, I felt a little nervous.
First of all it was the first time that I was going to take an aircraft.
For one thing, it was the first time I was traveling by plane.
In spite of the fact that I’m aware that planes the safetiest transportation in the world.
And it was in spite of the fact I'm aware that planes are the safest means of transportation in the world.
And second of all it was the first time that I was going to a conference with my engineer colleagues.
JUSTE
So, I met my colleagues at the taxis station, we checked in our baggages and we began to board into the aircraft.
I met my colleagues at the taxi stand. Then we checked in our baggage and began to board the aircraft.
Me and my colleagues weren’t sat in the same area.
My colleagues and I weren't assigned seats in the same area of the plane.
They were sat beside the reactors and me at the rear of the plane.
They were seated by the jet engines, while I had a seat at the rear of the plane.
As we were going to Canberra from Los Angeles I was exciting to admire the sea from my porthole.
As we headed to Canberra from Los Angeles, I was excitedly admiring the view of the sea from my porthole.
I took a sleeping drug to calm myself; consequently I fall asleep just after the take off.
I took a sleeping pill to calm myself and eventually fell asleep just after take-off.
Suddenly I heard a terrible sound.
JUSTE
I can’t believed what was happening in front of me.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
The plane was completely cut in half.
The plane had been completely cut in half.
People were such up outside. (incompréhensible)
People were hanging upside down from their seats.
I stayed hung on my seat belt until this part of the plane reach the sea; which was very abrupt.
I hung onto my seat belt until the part of the plane I was in reached the water below, which happened quickly and with violent abruptness.
At this moment I loosed consciousness.
It was then I lost consciousness.
When I regained consciousness I was lengthened on a beach.
When I regained consciousness, I found myself flat on my back on a beach.
When looked around me, I saw thousand fragments and few bodies unfortunately lifeless.
When I looked around, I saw thousands of fragments scattered around and a few unfortunately lifeless bodies.
I was walking to found somebody alive but no one survived at the crash even my colleagues.
I walked around to see if anybody was alive, but no one had survived the crash... not even my colleagues.
I thought about that sat on a rock until that started to rain which makes me come to mind.
I sat down on a rock thinking about all of this until the falling rain brought me to my senses.
I decided to go into the forest to found a shelter.
I decided to go into a nearby forest to look for shelter.
At last I discovered a cave.
I finally discovered a cave.
I was so exhausted that I fell asleep immediately.
At the morning, I make up my mind to group bodies and gave them a decent burial.
In the morning, I made up my mind to group the bodies together and give them a decent burial.
I had to start to look for some food; I began to search on bush and I finally find some passion fruits and coconuts on the ground.
After that, I started looking for some food. I began to search in the bushes, and I finally found some passion fruit and coconuts on the ground.
I did that for five months.
JUSTE
As I had never saw a boat or a plane and nobody on the island since my crash, I undertaked to build a real shelter and real means to get food whether that on earth or on sea.
As I never saw a boat or plane or any other living person on the island since the crash, I undertook to build a real shelter and developed real means to get food wherever I might find it... on the land or in the sea.
I started to cut some trees to get a aria completely cleared.
I started cutting down some trees and succeeded in completely clearing an area to build on.
I used these trees to make some planks thanks to cutting tools which came from wrecks.
I used these tools to make some planks, thanks to the cutting tools which came from the plane wreck.
I sewed a net with fabric from the seats of the plane.
I created a vegetable garden.
JUSTE
Indeed last month I discovered some tomato seeding nearby a little river.
In fact, I discovered some tomato seedlings at a nearby stream.
I recovered the seeds and sowed them.
During those months I tried to get back clothes scattered on the beach.
As the months passed, I set about to recover the clothes spread all around the beach.
- At last, one year had been pass.
One year had passed.
As time goes by I felt more and more sad because of my loneliness.
As time went by, I felt increasingly sad because of my loneliness.
When I was thinking about that, suddenly, I saw a silhouette.
As I was thinking about that, I suddenly saw a silhouette.
I cannot believed that. It was a blond lady; she was dressing like a Tahitian.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was a blond lady, and she was dressed like a Tahitian.
Unfortunately she talked a Germanic language; all the same she had some English notion.
Unfortunately, she spoke a Germanic language; but she did know a little English.
At the end I understood that she came from Finland thanks to a drawing of Europe on the sand.
When she drew a map of Europe on the sand, I realized that she came from Finland.
She told me that she was on a cruise with her boyfriends, when a storm breakout and sunk the sailboat.
She told me she had been on a cruise with her boyfriend when a storm broke out and sank the sailboat.
That was the last time she ever saw him again.
She showed me where she had built a place to live.
It was a nice place, very clean and organized.
JUSTE
She had built some traps to catch birds or rabbits.
She was ingenious because she managed to create a little farmyard.
I was amazed at how ingenious she was because she had managed to create a little farmyard.
- One day we decided to go further into the forest.
JUSTE
As we didn’t know what we could fond, we built some weapons like spears, bows and slings as the way that I maked my tools.
Since we didn't know what we would find, we made weapons such as spears, bows, and slings.
We took some supplies for few days and we gone.
We took enough supplies to last us for a few days, and we started on our way.
After five days of walk we arrived to unknown lands which we never explored.
After walking for five days, we reached a part of the island we had not explored before.
One night were we camped, everything seemed calm and we were so exhausted that we fall asleep easily.
One night we set up camp; and since everything seemed secure, we quickly fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
But when I woke up, I was locked up in a little cage.
We were kidnap by native.
We had been kidnapped by natives.
They were very hostile towards us.
JUSTE
I thought that we violated theirs territory.
We must have trespassed on their territory.
I tried to calm down them, but they were determinated to hurt us.
JUSTE
However I remembered that I kept a lighter in my pocket.
I saw them the light, they were stupefy.
When I flicked it and they saw the flame, they were stupefied.
I dealt with them our freedom against the lighter.
I offered to barter the lighter in exchange for our freedom.
After that they were really much nicer.
After that, they were much friendlier.
In the beginning, we communicated by drawing, but I finally succeeded in learning some words of their language.

Quel conte merveilleux ! Tu l'as créé ? In spite of my many corrections, the mistakes you made are very small. Je n'ai fait que peaufiner une rédac vraiment bien faite.


Dernière édition par le Lun 5 Nov - 11:09, édité 1 fois
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phil1988



Nombre de messages : 35
Age : 29
Localisation : Paris
Date d'inscription : 22/10/2006

MessageSujet: Re: Une rédaction...   Lun 5 Nov - 1:55

Oui ceux sont mes idées !

Thank you so much Doudou, you're the best !!
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1289
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: Une rédaction...   Lun 5 Nov - 11:12

You're very welcome, Phil. The pleasure is mine. Ta maîtrise de ma langue m'impressionne beaucoup. Bonne continuation.

Ed
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