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 besoin du'une correction SVP

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sarahdu33



Nombre de messages : 18
Date d'inscription : 26/10/2006

MessageSujet: besoin du'une correction SVP   Dim 11 Fév - 5:59

bonjour,

pouvez vous me corriger ma rédaction SVP et me dire ce que vous en pensez car je ne trouve pas ma conclusion satisfaisante.

MERCI D AVANCE




All the parents feel concern about their children's education, because one of the most difficult job in their lives what's more adolescent the life don't happen like in books because all children have different way to behave.

Then it's a responsible (task) because the parent's education will make their child that he will be in the future ( l'éducation des parents va faire de l’enfant ce qu’il sera plus tard).



In the nineteenth century parents were strict nevertheless it was not to bad because a child need rules, forbidden (des interdits ). Besides discipline let your child to learn norm, values which nowadays unfortunately vanish like the respect of ancestors.
What’s more this discipline helped children to know how to behave, to have mark. These children didn’t need to continuously test their parents to know the limits.
What’s more the parents straddled religious and it restrained the children’s behaviour, in effect they dread the sanction of Jesus.
Yet the parents didn’t pay attention to the child’s suggestions, and they didn’t express their love for their children that was not very good for their blossoming. So the children’s opinion was of no importance there wasn’t communication, complicity when the family was together. Whereas it’s extremely that the parents are good listeners because the children need to explain their problems, anguish. They wanted that their progeny was within the norm and that harmed to their personal expression.

Nowadays parents are more comprehensive, attentive, present while working a lot, in effect the fact that they are busy not impede in the attention that they pay to their children.
The concept of family is very important the parents play more with their offspring (progéniture), the family get together, organize activities. They are interested in whatever their children say. They encourage them to do a lot of cultural, sport activities and it’s important for their awaking, sociability.




But on the other hand they are too lax on the pretext of not giving the rigid education that they have received thus there are more and more undisciplined pupils. And the parents are obsessed by the social success of their children and exert pressure on them, it’s may be one of the reason of rating suicide and at the (maletre) of young persons.

I believe that a compromise should be done between these two furthest (extremes) ways to raise children. Because the communication, the attention are (tout autant) important that the rules which fix limits essential for kids.
Each one involve drawbacks, seamy side.
The parents should follow their instinct, their convictions, to construct a well-balanced person.[/size]
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1286
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: besoin du'une correction SVP   Dim 11 Fév - 11:50

Bonjour, Ema.

C'est assez longue ta rédac. Pour gagner du temps, je pose ma variante de ton texte.
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All the parents feel concern about their children's education, because one of the most difficult job in their lives what's more adolescent the life don't happen like in books because all children have different way to behave. Then it's a responsible (task) because the parent's education will make their child that he will be in the future ( l'éducation des parents va faire de l’enfant ce qu’il sera plus tard).
All parents are concerned about their children's education because ensuring a quality education for their children is one of the most difficult tasks in their lives. What's more, bringing up adolescents doesn't take place the way it's described in books on adolescent development for the simple reason that each child is different. When all is said and done, how parents educate their child will determine what kind of an adult he will be in the future.

In the nineteenth century parents were strict nevertheless it was not to bad because a child need rules, forbidden (des interdits ). Besides discipline let your child to learn norm, values which nowadays unfortunately vanish like the respect of ancestors. What’s more this discipline helped children to know how to behave, to have mark. These children didn’t need to continuously test their parents to know the limits. What’s more the parents straddled religious and it restrained the children’s behaviour, in effect they dread the sanction of Jesus.
In the 19th century, parents were very strict, which is a good thing since a child needs to learn what his boundaries are. He needs to learn the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, such as respect for one's elders, which has all but vanished these days. At that period of time, children didn't feel the need to test their parents in order to know what their limits were. The religious upbringing that children got in that era also served as a restraint on their children's behaviour. They were taught to respect the teachings of Jesus on good and evil.

Yet the parents didn’t pay attention to the child’s suggestions, and they didn’t express their love for their children that was not very good for their blossoming. So the children’s opinion was of no importance there wasn’t communication, complicity when the family was together. Whereas it’s extremely that the parents are good listeners because the children need to explain their problems, anguish. They wanted that their progeny was within the norm and that harmed to their personal expression.
On the other hand, parents at that time weren't inclined to listen to what their children had to say; and they weren't demonstrative in their feelings towards their children. The lack of expressed love would have a negative effect on their emotional develpment. Children need at least one loving parent with whom to share his problems. At that time in history, parents wanted nothing more than that their children behave according to society's norms.

Nowadays parents are more comprehensive, attentive, present while working a lot, in effect the fact that they are busy not impede in the attention that they pay to their children.The concept of family is very important the parents play more with their offspring (progéniture), the family get together, organize activities. They are interested in whatever their children say. They encourage them to do a lot of cultural, sport activities and it’s important for their awaking, sociability.
Nowadays, parents are more understanding and therefore more attentive to their children's emotional needs. Even though contemporary parents have more to keep them busy, they still make time to pay attention to their children. The concept of family is more important to them than to parents of previous generations, and they find time to play with them and organize educational and recreational activities involving the family. They also encourage the development of their children's physical, cultural, and social skills.

But on the other hand they are too lax on the pretext of not giving the rigid education that they have received thus there are more and more undisciplined pupils. And the parents are obsessed by the social success of their children and exert pressure on them, it’s may be one of the reason of rating suicide and at the (maletre) of young persons.
On the other hand, today's parents have become too lax because they don't want to treat their children in the same strict and rigid way they were treated as children. The result is that today's kids have become increasingly undisciplined, both at home and in the classroom. Furthermore, their parent's obsession with the success of their children and their unreasonably high expectations is putting undue pressure on their kids. Perhaps this explains the high rate of suicide and anxiety among teens and young adults.

I believe that a compromise should be done between these two furthest (extremes) ways to raise children. Because the communication, the attention are (tout autant) important that the rules which fix limits essential for kids. Each one involve drawbacks, seamy side. The parents should follow their instinct, their convictions, to construct a well-balanced person.
I personally believe that the solution to the problems posed by these two extremes in child-rearing lies in a compromise of the two. There is no doubt that communication between parents and their children is just as important as respect for societal norms of behaviour. Excessive attention to either extreme has its drawbacks. Parents should try to follow a middle line between the two in their attempt to develop a well-balanced person.
***********************************************
Voilà. Tu répètes trop l'expression what's more !

Ed
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sarahdu33



Nombre de messages : 18
Date d'inscription : 26/10/2006

MessageSujet: Re: besoin du'une correction SVP   Dim 11 Fév - 14:45

Very Happy Merci beaucoup votre aide m'est précieuse, d'autant plus que c'est un travail qui ma demandé des efforts.Very Happy
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1286
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: besoin du'une correction SVP   Dim 11 Fév - 17:46

You're welcome, Ema. I'm glad I could help you.
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