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 Correction oral d'anglais

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AuteurMessage
kalko



Nombre de messages : 3
Date d'inscription : 04/04/2011

MessageSujet: Correction oral d'anglais   Lun 4 Avr - 14:47

Bonjour,
Je passe à l'oral dans 2jours mais j'ai un doute sur mon texte en anglais.
Pourriez-vous corriger mes fautes svp?

Merci d'avance,

Ci-dessus le texte:

Good morning everyone, today I’m going to talk about my experience as a trainee which I realized in The Soap Factory in Marseille. I divided my presentation into 3 parts, first I will present you the company and its main characteristics, then I will explain you my assignment and lastly I will make an evaluation on this experience.
So let’s start with the presentation of the Soap Company
This company was born from the merger of two companies. One company sold Provencal soaps and perfumes and the other was specialized in the export of Provencal products. Considering the complementarity of their activities, the two managers decided to join forces and to form only one company: THE SOAP FACTORY
The soap Factory is a little hand craft company which manufactures and commercializes soaps and products for the bath.
The shop is located in the eight district of Marseille and it is a show room in which customers can see how soaps are made because the machine is put into the show room.
The products are commercialized in France and abroad and they realized 60% of the turnover in export.
Customers are individuals and professionals. For the individual there are tourists who want a typical souvenir of Marseille, people of affluent class because the product are top of the range, and more and more people who want to use natural products. For the professionals, there are different categories: first the retailers who are between the manufacturers and the final costumers, hotels and bed and breakfast for who, the soap factory created special packages, shops in general, gifts shops, souvenirs shops, or clothes shops and laboratory which are interested in the “savon de marseille”
Concerning the competition, the main competitor of the Soap factory is “la savonnerie marseillaise de la licorne and le mas de Roseau, which propose similar products in the same region.
And there are the big industrials companies like l’occitane, nature et découverte or Yves rocher.
Now concerning the intern analysis, and I will proceed with a marketing mix:
First products: the soap factory has a large range of products and there are traditional products and specific products. Concerning the traditional products, there are Savon de Marseille, savon d’alep, and pierre d’alun. And for specific products, there are colored and fragrant soaps, glycerin soaps, Natural soaps, and products for the body and bath like shampoo, shower gel etc.
The main word which qualify the products are quality, because they are made from a natural base and they are handmade. Diversity, because the range of articles is very large, originality by the fragrance for example lettuce soap or barbapapa soap and personalization because individual costumers and professionals can chose what can be printed on the label.
Concerning prices, they are higher than the main competitor but they are affordable
Regarding the communication, the company became known by word of mouth, by the press by its web site and by the tourist information office.
And For the distribution, it’s by the shop, by colissimo or by a carrier.
That was for the presentation, now let’s move on my assignment that I realized during my internship
My assignment was an export assignment in the Indian Ocean Islands: Mauritius, Malagasy Madagascar, and Seychelles.
To complete my assignment I proceeded step by step. First I realize an market research on each island in order to highlight their main strengths.
Madagascar, Mauritius and Seychelles have a positive growth rate and they have an economie their economy is based on the tourism. Moreover Ther is no regulation on products on cosmetic market in the Indian ocean island.
Offer: In the soap industry, there are 5 competitors which are selling soaps for toilet and for housework
Demand: the market is restricted, but dynamic. In fact the purchasing power of Madagascar is low. But there are is an evolution of the purchasing in people’s behaviour thanks to the awareness campaign on hygiene, needs change qualitatively.
Position of france in the exportation.
There are is a dominance of the french brand products, and they represent 28% of the exportation. But more and more these products are competed by asian cosmetics products.
The second step was the selection of organization for the international development.
Was the segmentation of the customers and the selection of corresponding products .We selected luxury hotels and bed and breakfast for the special package, souvenir shops for product development, local soap factories for “savon de marseille”, and rum distillery because rum is very consumed and it is popular with tourist.
The third step was the writing of the email. It should be short and effective. So I used key arguments: antiquity: 10years of existence which proves the good health of the company, then the quality of the products, the large choice, the personalization which enable to communicate implicitly and customer benefit which is the differentiation
Then I sent over 600 personalized email and the last step was the reminder email
After this operation, two kind of results appear, negative and positive. For the negative response the reason was the price which is too high. For the positive response, In Madagascar 3 companies was were interested. In Mauritius, an hotel was interested by the pack and in Seychelle a rum distillery.
Feed back on my assignment:
It was at the same time enriching and interesting. My assignment permits enables me to implement my the teaching I received for 3 years. For example I used Marketing courses for the redaction of the email, technique de commerce à l’international for the elaboration of shipping quotation and of course English which has been essential for the canvassing in Seychelles and Mauritius.
Canvassing in three islands, each with an economy different different economy, made me realized that this is not the richest country which invests in top of the range products. Indeed, Madagascar known for its poverty was the most interested country by the product.
With this experience I can say that in a big company or and hand crafted company, the professional world need rigor, professionalism and above all adaptability in front of new situation.
And thanks to this assignment, I have been thinking about my future, and the next year I would like to go aboard abroad in order to improve my English and to finish by a M2 option affaire international at ISAFI.
To conclude it was a good experience and I will not hesitate to do my internship in this kind of company where employee has a lot of liberty freedom.







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kalko



Nombre de messages : 3
Date d'inscription : 04/04/2011

MessageSujet: Re: Correction oral d'anglais   Mar 5 Avr - 14:31

Merci! je passe l'oral demain j'espère ne pas avoir fait trop de fautes :s
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1286
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: Correction oral d'anglais   Mar 5 Avr - 16:37

Salut, Kalko.

C'est assez long ton texte. Shocked

Je t'avertis que je ne corrige que la forme et non pas le fond.

Good morning everyone, today I’m going to talk about my experience as a trainee which I realized in The Soap Factory in Marseille.
Good morning, everyone. Today I'm going to talk about my experience as a trainee in the Soap Factory which is located in Marseille.
I divided my presentation into 3 parts, first I will present you the company and its main characteristics, then I will explain you my assignment and lastly I will make an evaluation on this experience.
I have divided my presentation into three parts. First, I will introduce you to the company and familiarize you with its characteristics. Then, I will explain the nature of my assignment; and lastly, I will give you my evaluation of this experience.
So let’s start with the presentation of the Soap Company
This company was born from the merger of two companies.
So, let's start with this soap manufacturer. It's a company which was born as the result of a merger of two companies.
One company sold Provencal soaps and perfumes and the other was specialized in the export of Provencal products.
One company sold soaps and perfumes made in Provencal, and the other specialized in the exporting of products made in Provencal.
Considering the complementarity of their activities, the two managers decided to join forces and to form only one company: THE SOAP FACTORY
Considering the complementarity of their activities, the manager of each company decided to join forces and form only one company: THE SOAP FACTORY.
The soap Factory is a little hand craft company which manufactures and commercializes soaps and products for the bath.
It's a small company which manufactures and markets hand-crafted soaps and bath products.
The shop is located in the eight district of Marseille and it is a show room in which customers can see how soaps are made because the machine is put into the show room.
It's located in Marseille's eighth district and has a showroom in which customers can see exactly how soap is made because the machine used in its production is in the showroom for everyone to see.
The products are commercialized in France and abroad and they realized 60% of the turnover in export.
The products are marketed in France and abroad. 60% of the company's profit margin is realized by its exports.
Customers are individuals and professionals. For the individual there are tourists who want a typical souvenir of Marseille, people of affluent class because the product are top of the range, and more and more people who want to use natural products.
The company's customers consist of individuals and professionals. The individuals are typically tourists looking for souvenirs of Marseille. They are people from an affluent background because the products being sold are top of the line, and there are more and more people who want to buy natural products.
For the professionals, there are different categories: first the retailers who are between the manufacturers and the final costumers, hotels and bed and breakfast for who, the soap factory created special packages, shops in general, gifts shops, souvenirs shops, or clothes shops and laboratory which are interested in the “savon de marseille”
The professionals fall into different categories. First there are the retailers who fall between the manufacturers and the customers. Retailers also consist of bed and breakfast hotels (for whom the Soap Factory created special packages), shops in general, gift shops, clothes shops, and laboratories which are interested in the "savon de Marseille."
Concerning the competition, the main competitor of the Soap factory is “la savonnerie marseillaise de la licorne and le mas de Roseau, which propose similar products in the same region.
As for the competition, the Soap Factory's main competitor is the Savonnerie Marseillaise de la Licorne and the Mas de Roseau, which both offers similar products in the same region.
And there are the big industrials companies like l’occitane, nature et découverte or Yves rocher.
Then, there are the big industrial companies such as l'Occitaine, Nature et Découverte, or Yves Rocher.
Now concerning the intern analysis, and I will proceed with a marketing mix:
Now concerning my analysis as an intern, I will proceed with a description of a marketing mix.
First products: the soap factory has a large range of products and there are traditional products and specific products.
Products: the Soap Factory has a large range of products to offer, and there are traditional as well as specific products available to customers.
Concerning the traditional products, there are Savon de Marseille, savon d’alep, and pierre d’alun. And for specific products, there are colored and fragrant soaps, glycerin soaps, Natural soaps, and products for the body and bath like shampoo, shower gel etc.
Traditional products include Savon de Marseille, Savon d'Alep, and Pierre d'Alun. Specific products include colored and fragrant soaps, glycerin soaps, natural soaps, and products for body and bath such as shampoo, shower gel, etc.
The main word which qualify the products are quality, because they are made from a natural base and they are handmade.
The key word in describing these products is QUALITY because they are made from a natural base and are hand made.
Diversity, because the range of articles is very large, originality by the fragrance for example lettuce soap or barbapapa soap and personalization because individual costumers and professionals can chose what can be printed on the label.
These products are also outstanding for their diversity because the range of articles produced is very large. These products are also noted for their orginality, particularly in the fragrance of the "lettuce soap" and the "barbapapa soap." Finally, personalization is another key word used in describing these products because indiviudal customers and professionals can choose what will be printed on the label of each product.
Concerning prices, they are higher than the main competitor but they are affordable
Regarding the communication, the company became known by word of mouth, by the press by its web site and by the tourist information office.
Prices are higher than those of their main competitor, but they are affordable nevertheless. As far as advertising is concerned, the company has become famous by word of mouth, by the press, by its website, and by the Tourist Information Office.
And For the distribution, it’s by the shop, by colissimo or by a carrier.
As for distribution, it is accomplished by shops, colissimo, or by a carrier.
That was for the presentation, now let’s move on my assignment that I realized during my internship
My assignment was an export assignment in the Indian Ocean Islands: Mauritius, Malagasy Madagascar, and Seychelles.
So much for my presentation. Now let's move on to my assignment which was given to me during my internship. I was assigned to research exports on the Indian Ocean islands, such as Mauritius, Malagasy, Madagascar, and the Seychelles.
To complete my assignment I proceeded step by step. First I realize an market research on each island in order to highlight their main strengths.
Madagascar, Mauritius and Seychelles have a positive growth rate and they have an economie their economy is based on the tourism.
To complete my assignment, I proceeded step by step. First, I did market research on each island in order to highlight their main strengths. Madagascar, Mauritius, and the Seychelles have a positive growth rate as well as an economy based on tourism.
Moreover Ther is no regulation on products on cosmetic market in the Indian ocean island.
Offer: In the soap industry, there are 5 competitors which are selling soaps for toilet and for housework
Moreover, there is no regulation on products from the cosmetic market on the Indian Ocean islands. In the soap industry, there are five competitors that are selling soap for toilets and for housework.
Demand: the market is restricted, but dynamic. In fact the purchasing power of Madagascar is low. But there are is an evolution of the purchasing in people’s behaviour thanks to the awareness campaign on hygiene, needs change qualitatively.
As far as demand is concerned, the market is restricted but dynamic. In fact, the purchasing power of citizens of Madagascar is low, but a change is taking place in the behaviour of people purchasing products thanks to the awareness campaigns for hygiene. As a result, individual needs are changing qualitatively.
Position of france in the exportation.
There are is a dominance of the french brand products, and they represent 28% of the exportation. But more and more these products are competed by asian cosmetics products.
France's position in the exportation process is evident in its dominance of the French brand-name products, and they represent 28% of its exports. However, more and more of these products are facing competion with Asian cosmetics products.
The second step was the selection of organization for the international development.
Was the segmentation of the customers and the selection of corresponding products .
A second step in my assignment was the selection of an organization involved with international develepment. It involved the segmentation of customers and their selection of corresponding products.
We selected luxury hotels and bed and breakfast for the special package, souvenir shops for product development, local soap factories for “savon de marseille”, and rum distillery because rum is very consumed and it is popular with tourist.
I selected luxury hotels and bed and breakfast inns for the special packages which they offered, souvenir shops for the development of their products, local soap factories for their "savon de Marseille", and rum distilleries because rum is very popular with the local population and with tourists.
The third step was the writing of the email. It should be short and effective.
The third aspect of my assignment involved sending emails. Emails should be short and effective.
So I used key arguments: antiquity: 10years of existence which proves the good health of the company, then the quality of the products, the large choice, the personalization which enable to communicate implicitly and customer benefit which is the differentiation
The key arguments I used were antiquity, product quality, variety of choices, personalizaiton, and customer benefit. Ten years of existence proves the good financial health of the company. The benefit to customers is derived from the differential of the products offered.
Then I sent over 600 personalized email and the last step was the reminder email
After this operation, two kind of results appear, negative and positive. For the negative response the reason was the price which is too high.
Consequently, I sent over 600 personalized emails. The last step was the reminder email. At the conclusion of this aspect of my assignment, I saw two different results, both negative and positive. The negative response arose from price which was too high.
For the positive response, In Madagascar 3 companies was were interested. In Mauritius, an hotel was interested by the pack and in Seychelle a rum distillery.
The positive response came from Madagascar where three companies expressed their interest. In Mauritius, a hotel was interested in the package; and in the Seychelles, it was the rum distillery which captured their attention.
Feed back on my assignment:
It was at the same time enriching and interesting. My assignment permits enables me to implement my the teaching I received for 3 years.
Here is my feedback on my assignment. I found it both enriching and interesting. It allowed and enabled me to implement the instruction which I had been receiving for three years.
For example I used Marketing courses for the redaction of the email, technique de commerce à l’international for the elaboration of shipping quotation and of course English which has been essential for the canvassing in Seychelles and Mauritius.
For example, I used my marketing courses to help me write emails. I used my training in overseas commerce for the developing shipping quotes, and of course, my English courses which were essential for canvassing in the Seychelles and Mauritius.
Canvassing in three islands, each with an economy different different economy, made me realized that this is not the richest country which invests in top of the range products.
Canvassing on these three islands, each with a different economy, made me realize that these aren't the richest countries to invest in top of the line products.
Indeed, Madagascar known for its poverty was the most interested country by the product.
Indeed, Madagascar, well known for the poverty of its citizens, was the most interested country in our products.
With this experience I can say that in a big company or and hand crafted company, the professional world need rigor, professionalism and above all adaptability in front of new situation.
As a result of this experience, I can say that, whether the company involved is large or whether it is a company dealing in handmade products, the business world needs the rigor, the professionalism, and above all, the adaptability to deal with new situations.
And thanks to this assignment, I have been thinking about my future, and the next year I would like to go aboard abroad in order to improve my English and to finish by a M2 option affaire international at ISAFI.
Thanks to my assignment, I have been giving much thought to my future; and next year, I would like to go abroad so I can improve my English and finish with an M2 option affaire international at ISAFI.
To conclude it was a good experience and I will not hesitate to do my internship in this kind of company where employee has a lot of liberty freedom.
To conclude, the experience was indeed a good one; and I will not hesitate to do my internship with this kind of company where employees have such freedom of choice.
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kalko



Nombre de messages : 3
Date d'inscription : 04/04/2011

MessageSujet: Re: Correction oral d'anglais   Mar 5 Avr - 16:42

Merci beaucoup!!
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Doudou



Nombre de messages : 1286
Localisation : New-York
Date d'inscription : 26/12/2005

MessageSujet: Re: Correction oral d'anglais   Mar 5 Avr - 22:28

You're quite welcome, Kalko. Bonne note !
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MessageSujet: Re: Correction oral d'anglais   Aujourd'hui à 7:58

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